Sunday, October 2, 2011

My Do and Don't List and Some Parenting Ramble

Things I don't like about being pregnant;
    ~Being so tired
    ~Being irritable
    ~Being emotional
    ~Gaining 12lbs in 12 weeks
    ~Being tired
    ~Pregnancy brain (I forget EVERYTHING)

Things I like about being pregnant;
   ~The fact that there is a little soul in there growing and getting ready to join us
   ~Everyone already knows I'm tired so they let me sleep
   ~Eating for two (hence the 12lbs)
   ~Guessing if it will be a girl or a boy
   ~Knowing Madi won't be an only child (I know she has older siblings but they are really more like parents)
   ~Stretchy pants
Being pregnant is not easy, being a Mom is not easy.  It comes with lots of sacrifices.  It comes with lots of joy. 
The heart breaks never end, as little babies grow into little people, who grow into big people. My heart is glad and sad all at the same time. 
I read it once that having a child is like having your heart walk around outside of you.  Or something like that.  And Ann Voskamp said something to the effect that the pain of child birth never stops.  That's something they never tell you about.  The pain of children growing up. 
    My oldest is 15 and I feel the tug of his independence, to be his own man.  And I hope that for him and I rejoice with him as he moves from the boy man into the man.  But my heart fissures too.  Our dance has been a hard one.  We both hard headed and strong willed.   And yet a love that conquers all.  Maybe it's not that way for everyone but it seems like my first born was the hardest to parent.  The hardest in labour and delivery, and I struggle to understand him.  I fight in prayer for him, for wisdom to parent him.  And just as I called out to God in birth for him, I call out to God still.  He is not a malicious child, nor is he terribly rebellious.  In most respects he is perfect and wonderful.  For him and I it's a mess of words and misunderstandings.  From the first moment I saw him I wondered who is this little person, I was in awe of him and totally in love with him.  If I stand back and just take in who he is, I am still in love and awe of him.  And just as I said back then, that I would do the whole long hard labour all over again, just for him. I say it now that I would do the whole battle of love to parent him all over again, just for him.  I do realize we're not done yet, there are still three more years until he's officially an adult.  Right now he's the first young adult in my house.  And I'm learning how to be his Mom, just as I've done since the beginning of him.  In retrospect I think it's actually him whose taught me, well the Lord using him anyway;)


Unknown said...

Congrats on being pregnant!! :)

Sharon said...

OH WOW.... you surprised me with this... BUT I am SOOOOO happy for you and pray that you will be given all that you need as you carry this little gift too!!!! Love you lots!!!