Wednesday, March 31, 2010

In the next 5 years

      I just had a thought, well actually a show brought it to my mind, of what my life might be like in 5 years.
     It's not a scary picture, a different one for sure, but not scary. Well actually it does scare me just a little.
      Here's why; I'll have 18 and 16 year old sons, and 15, 13 and 6 year old daughters. The 6 year doesn't scare me a bit, been there done that. It's the 18, 16, 15 and 13 that scare me.    
       Well Bradon has been 13 for over half a year and it's not so bad.  I mean there are moments, but he's a good kid. He's not rebellious, sometimes talks back.  Not mean or a bully, maybe a little too bossy to his siblings. All in all though I think it's really good. A huge reason is that he loves Jesus. He knows his saviour and has chosen to live for Him. That is not only his saving grace, but ours as parents as well.
      What I was getting at is, as the young adult years fast approach and are even upon us with one, I sometimes find it hard to breath. Not because I think that they'll be bad. Not because I think they'll hate me or not listen to me. It's because I wonder...
     Have a prepared them well enough? Have I given them all they are going to need for the road of life ahead of them? Have I equipped them with the tools they'll need to make the decisions they'll need to make? Have I made myself a safe haven or an enemy? Have I been an example of Christ's love and His direction? Have I been faithful in showing them what a real relationship with Christ looks like? Have I made the most of every opportunity to train them in the way that they should go? Or have I been a hindrance to the work that God is doing in them? Have I made it easier or harder for God to accomplish His great purpose in them?
    Only God himself really knows the answer to those questions. My guess is probably not. I haven't made the most of every opportunity, but I still have a few more left. I may not have given them all they need....yet, but I still can.  As for the example I am...well I try to live my faith out daily and honestly.  It's the only way I know how to live it.   Some days I blow it.  I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes.   I don't try to cover them up, or lie.  I tell my kids I blew it. I ask them to forgive me if I need to.  They know I don't have it all together, and as much as I'd like to pretend I do they know I don't know everything.
      We pray together a lot, for others, for each other.
There are lots of times I don't know what to say, or do. God has always been gracious to me and when I ask Him, He lets me know.  Sometimes what He shows me is not what I expected.  I love that He is big enough to be God of every moment, because I need Him in every moment. I can't do this, be Mom, and think that I have it in me to help these beautiful little people become what He has created them to be. I don't have it, but He does, He can, and if I let Him, He will.   As a matter of fact He will inspite of me, they are His after all.  But wouldn't it be a beautiful thing if I was a helping hand in the process, not a tearing down one.  
      Oh ya and I'm not the only one invested in their future and how they are raised.  I am so thankful to God for their Daddy, who is so much better at this than I am;)

I just realized that I'm not afraid of them as much as I'm afraid of me.   Because really if this is going to be any good it all depends on my behavior, not theirs.  Wow, now that is a scary thing.

 This picture is not working out right, but here's my little angels when they were little. 2002.
It still amazes me how much I love my kids.  They fill your heart to overflowing.

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